Does your partner have you questioning your own perception of things in your life? Do you struggle to make simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself? If so, you might be a victim of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a manipulative form of emotional abuse that can disrupt your ability to trust yourself and others around you. This can result in the abuser having lots of power and the presence of gaslighting can make it harder for you to seek help and support.
How to spot gaslighting
Gaslighting can look different in each case and behaviours vary. However, there are some common types of gaslighting that are often experienced by victims of domestic abuse. These include:
- Lying – either outright or subtly
- Undermining you
- Deflecting or countering arguments instead engaging in a conversation to find a solution
- Withholding affection, attention or information to prevent you solving a problem or to confuse you
- Minimising your feelings or concerns
- Denying or shifting the blame for something
- Shaming or guilting you into taking the blame
- Isolating you from others
- Denying reality
These behaviours are often revealed in the type of language an abuser will use to create these feelings for the victim. This could include statements such as:
- “You’re imagining it”
- “You’re overreacting” or “It wasn’t that bad; you’re making a big deal of it”
- “You’re being paranoid”
- “You’re driving me crazy. Can you not see how you’re acting?”
- “You’re remembering it wrong. That’s not what happened.”
- “If it happened the way you claim, I wouldn’t have reacted this way”
- “I never said that. You have misunderstood.”
- “You’re too sensitive. Everybody thinks it”
- “You’re crazy”
- “I think you need help”
Help and support
If you recognise the above in your relationship, help and support is available. There is no excuse for domestic abuse.
If you, your child, or someone you know is at immediate risk of harm, you should contact the police urgently, call 999. If you are not at immediate risk but are concerned, please contact one of the services listed below:
Knowsley Council Safer Communities Service (Specialist Domestic Abuse Service)
Tel: 0151 443 2610
Enquiries.safercommunities@knowsley.gov.uk
Knowsley Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub
Tel: 0151 443 2600
The First Step (Specialist Domestic Abuse Service)
Tel: 0151 548 3333
Website: www.thefirststep.org.uk
Savera UK
Helpline 0800 107 0726
www.saverauk.co.uk
Support is also available through:
- National Domestic violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
- Men’s Advice Line 0808 801 0327
- LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline 0800 999 5428
- Women’s Aid – Live chat to Women’s Aid
Galop
Galop is the leading LGBT+ anti-violence and abuse charity, providing the National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline. They provide advice and support to individuals who have experienced hate crime, sexual violence, and domestic abuse and have an online referral form. They also offer a Trans Advocacy Service.
Website: www.galop.org.uk
Helpline: 0800 999 5428
Email: help@galop.org.uk